“Why won’t you even give me a chance?”
He asked before inhaling smoke from his cancer stick. I watched him contemplating being nice and sugar coating my thoughts, or telling him what was really on my mind.’
“you know how almost everyone you love is flawed in some way?”
“yeah…” He said while getting comfy on the chair.
“I find things I love in people, I admire those things and cherish them. I focus so much on those things that I don’t even get to see their flaws because I know what I want from them, and that is all I will need. For example, I might like the way he smells, or the way she uses her hands to speak. I like your mind, and that’s all I’ll ever like.”
I pause, watching him inhale, and processing the words i just said. His eyes betray him often, he was slightly hurt, but I could see a new light of understanding.
“but why are you limiting yourself to my mind, that’s flattering and all but I am so much more. What did I do wrong?”
He questions as he leans forward reaching for my arm from which he misses after I take a step back.
“I did not say you are flawed, I said I am content with what I have found in you and that is all i will need from you. You can try to give me more but I wont accept it. So save your energy. I already told you, I love feelings, and the way I feel when my mind connects with yours is special. That is where anything special ends between us.”
“You know you are mean, and scary right”
He is blushing. It is a welcome sight.
“Would you rather have me sell you dreams?”
He laughs, “You are something else.”
Afrter he is gone I sit and think of how many times i have tried to make people understand that. I do not easily fall in love with all of a person, but rather a specific thing about a person.
I ask myself how many times I can honestly say I have been in love with all of someone.
I confidently say thrice.
Otherwise, I have been collecting bonds, and hoarding those feelings, i am not looking for perfection or normal. Just something to love, something to feel.