A letter to 12 year old Louisa
You are going to have an interesting experience that will jump start you, fast forwarding you life plans about two years. embrace it, don’t be afraid. You have always been brave, don’t stop now. Continue to get lost in books, you find your voice therein, you find yourself.
Forget all the things your father says when his brow is furled. Hug your mother more, she needs it, don’t forget she is human and sometimes weak. Learn to love your brother, i know he is annoying sometimes, but he is a beautiful soul with too much energy, make time for him.
Your first kiss will be behind a classroom, with the cute tall boy, don’t forget to breathe. Next year, you will be in a new school with different people and you will spend two years of your life crushing on someone who uses it to his advantage. A part of me wants to say let go of him as soon as you can but another wants you to know what unrequited feelings feel like.
You are young and growing, he knows things and his eyes lure you in, be careful, don’t give everything at once. And don’t be afraid when you realise you like his girlfriend too. You have always been a curve trying to see a straight reflection. Accept yourself, don’t be ashamed, Love is a beautiful thing that comes in many forms. Speak up.
Forgive your father,all of them, be the bigger person even when it feels like you are a grain of rice in the world. sing my darling, and write. these are your portals to other dimensions. People will accept your voice and your words, it will take time, but you will find a place called home. It will be in the arms of a dreaded man, with tats on his shoulder. he will teach you how to love life. dont be afraid of change.
Ouma is strong, listen to her, massage her feet and cut her toenails. Watch her closely and read the wrinkles in her face, there are stories therein. Would you believe she speaks German? yeah, i was shocked too! please try to learn it, i wish i knew earlier, now i’m stuck with Russian which is not bad either but you know…
you will get that piercing you wanted, both of them, we are still thinking about the tattoos.there are two years left till you get your degree, you have natural hair now, and still get stage fright but it’s better. Life is worth it, don’t give up.
from your 18 year old self.
who mostly goes by April
I LOVE YOU