It has been a while since my last blog post.
Reasons being my second year final exam, lack of internet, or maybe because the things i am going through are still too raw to post up here.
i enjoy being honest in my written work., it’s easy to let off steam and just be me. Maybe because i’m not thinking about who will read it, i’m writing me for me and my healing or enjoyment.
This academic year has been a trial on it’s own, i study in Russia so it began on the first of September and will be ending next week Tuesday. i feel as though i have grown more this year than the past five years. i have placed myself out there, found myself in ridiculous situations and i’m still trying to work my way out of most of them because they have no yes or no answer. In fact, there is no yes or no answer. there isn’t an answer at all. it’s complex in a beautifully make-up is messed up way.
I have learnt recently that i am very good at separating my heart from physical affairs. I am a woman with needs and often my heart doesn’t need to be catered too. In fact , it rarely does. So when people get emotionally attached to me, without my invitation it becomes a one sided love affair where the other parties are left licking the drops of whatever they find. I am not here to serve my heart on a golden platter, i am also not heartless i just do not need the unnecessary emotional baggage.
fuck being nice.
i need my space to grow and be comfortable in my skin. i need people not to be overly emotional. i need no strings attached almost everywhere in my life.
lets not waste each others time ey. if you can’t handle me as i am now, you won’t be able to handle what is to come. i need time.