The perils of being a varsity female virgin



What do you think a virgin is?

What is the definition limited to? Can you define it for same sex couples? Or does it depend on the orgasm? Does that one, first orgasm end your reign of virginity? Or does penetration need to occur. Sip on that while I gather my thoughts.

There is the textbook definition of what it is. The hymen definition for females, this is what this blog post is about. But if we were to include all the random thoughts of virginity, in my head, I believe I am not fully one.


I have experienced orgasms and I’ve been with guys and girls. It’s not just about the act of sex; it’s everything before and after it.


I think it’s only fair if I begin with why I am still a virgin.

 There is no specific answer, but I can tell you what is not the answer. It’s not because of religion. I am not waiting for marriage. I can say this though, religion used to play a part, while I was still a part of it, but as the years went by I started doubting more, [story for another day]. Religion has left an imprint. But it’s not the reason. I think, in my head, because I believe in moments and gut feelings, I’m waiting for a time when I just want to do it, I’ll know when I get there, with whoever I’ll be with. That’s simply it.

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. At least not in my eyes, ‘when’ you decide to pop your cherry is entirely up to you and no one should ever make you feel less than human for still keeping yours untouched for whatever reason.

Now, I’m in my second year of varsity. I remember quite well one afternoon last summer, sitting by the park near main mall, I asked my 22 year old friend -just got her first degree, already found a job and settling into life- what the whole buzz about virginity was? She popped hers at 18, she is strong headed, fun and open minded. I was curious as I was around that age and how she summed it up was:

“Don’t lose it too soon, some people are just there to play around, you will get hurt, if you not careful, at the same time, don’t keep it too long. Some will see you still having it as you not being serious about a/the relationship because to them it is an essential part of it. “


“I know some people may say the first person isn’t really important, but try to make sure you have some form of a relationship with the first person, so that communication, trust, safety and honesty are all part of that relationship. You wouldn’t want your first time to be some random person, who pushes too hard to fast not considering your feelings or caring enough to know if you are doing well. Sex is great, but having someone to share the experience with needs time, so that you don’t do it once and shy away from it for the next five years”

I do agree with her and time has taught me what advice couldn’t.

 I am a relatively social person; I’ve had guys and girls to engage in open, kind of drunken but most of the time serious conversations. We (yes, myself included) love sex. It’s that simple. Now take myself, an odd (read as weird), late teen, virgin, bisexual, open minded person and place me in a mixed hostel, halfway across the world.

There will be fireworks. I’m not saying I am the life of the party, I’m saying life has been a never ending party that has shown me what happens when you dance a certain way on stage, or when you decide to sit it out. Even the people who sit at the edge of the bar have a story to tell and each kaaliyan or cigg is a chapter of their lives they will never breathe again.

Virginity gets complex when you get older. [Deep breath] things change, you know. Almost everyone around you is doing it, some friends are getting married or pregnant, it’s beginning to show, I mean, for me in high school, it was happening but you could never really be sure unless you were close. I’ve usually been the youngest of the group because of skipped grades so I had to adjust to certain ways things were done, or certain topics, I had to read, listen, watch and grow quick!

I wanted to be knowledgeable on things in life, and sometimes only experience could teach you, so I listened to those I was around for doses of their experience and I began to map out life. This is truth, how things are seen in my mind.

By the end of high school, you know which direction you are headed, the kind of people you hang with and what kind of extra activities you do. I’d grown up with a strict dad so my movements were limited. Imagine my delight when I found out Russia was an option for me! I was a caged bird ready to fly!

I spent most of my first year transitioning from being my reserved person, to who I always pictured I’d become, although that person is constantly evolving, I am closer to her. However, the closer I get to her, the more sex comes into play; I limit myself a lot in terms of what I do sexually. She doesn’t. I want to get to her, but first I have to actually pop my cherry. We are both nymphomaniacs, only thing is she has no limits and I do,

I have thought about what will happen after I do it; does it mean I can finally do all the guys I have had steamy dreams about? Or almost could have been moments with?  It’s generally easier for me to get with girls compared to guys, so this is me questioning myself and guys.

I’ve heard girls here say relationships in hostel are stressful. That flings are great while they last but after it’s just nightmares. Are there rules for this kind of thing? Would it be okay if I got offended if people called me a bitch or a hoe if I fucked who I wanted to? There are so many standards, a part of me doesn’t care, but the other part still wants to be respectable.

Does that make sense?

I have moments when I feel like I should have been born a guy. Guys don’t have so many labels attached to their womanizing ways. [Plus it’s easier for them to masturbate!]


Back to the topic at hand. Being a virgin in varsity might literally make you or break you. There is some form of respect that comes with it, there are guys who have been in awe and actually tried to stay around longer hoping to be the first or just being curious about how and why I kept it. Because in the times we live in, not a lot of us are virgins. Other times, they will make you feel like you are trying to be holier than everyone else.

You’ll be called selfish for not wanting to open your legs, and they are the one s who will spread rumours that you did so and so because they can’t understand how you manage to control yourself.

It may also be hard for you to make friends, the girls might feel you secretly judge them for not being virgins or you may make them feel uncomfortable, trust me! I know this. It happens and it’s natural, I mean, it’s going to happen, there will be something about you that’s different, and either everyone will want a piece of you or no one will want you at all.

Be prepared, and don’t crack, you don’t have to claim to have done it to fit in.

I remember one time, during a 3 some, I specifically stated I wouldn’t be having sex and at some point the girl kept saying just do it, just do it, and I got up and told her,” I am not having sex todaya, so just stop trying to get me to do it  or I’m leaving” it’s that simple love.

In your moments of fun and curiosity, be true to yourself. Take care of yourself. Voice your opinions when being placed in a situation where you question who you are and what you are doing with your life.


 eventually things will work themselves out.



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