I used to dance ballet. as a kid. i think my my entire year in grade one. it was fun,one of my favorite memories was when we had the recital and my mum was in the crowd. she was so proud. at least that’s how i remember it.
I used to think i’d be a dancer. my parents wanted me to be a doctor. i was okay with that, i told myself or got accustomed to the idea till i was in high school. It went from doctor to Forensic scientist .. i loved that medical cop detective type thing, i wanted to be that girl matching DNA and stuff, catching the bad guy. they were ok with that. it was kinda under medicine.
i watched too much CSI-ike stuff and fell in love with characters… and their persona’s.
like Abby. she rocked, to top it off, she has a spiderweb tattoo. i love spiders.
then in senior high, i wanted to do design.
something i could pass of as realistic for my parents and that had something to do with performing arts. i had fallen in love with arts the more i wrote, performed and sang. i was a budding young artist. i still am.
i always jokingly telling my mother, i’m going to study linguistics, or photography. then we’d laugh it off and i always looked away so she’d never see what my eyes hid. There comes a time when you stop trying to get people to understand certain things. it’s not worth the wasted breath and the heartache.
She knows i write, she has read my work, back then, i was a bit too morbid when it came to the things i wrote. I was sad most of the time and it was an outlet. i think what she feared most was me telling the world the things i went through growing up.
not that anything happened. there is always truth in what i write. I may paint a different picture but the feelings are the same.
i don’t know why i’m telling you this.
maybe if i kept telling myself that i can still be that little girl with a dream, i could get wherever i want to be. right now? i do know where i want to be. not a famous celeb , i wouldn’t mind, but no. it’s more about the words, and them being read, heard and shared. i’d like to be the cause of change in this world. a reason why some young person is smiling and looking forward to life for the day.
i have been thinking about it. i guess. i think too much.