Changes

 

”when did things get so bad?” 
He asked, my mind slowly began searching for answers.. I found it hard to say anything at all.. I asked myself for the umpteenth time; why did i come here… I knew he would do this to me. Ask me questions i couldn’t answer.. But in a way, they did make sense. ‘when did things get so bad?’ .. I’m not sure.. We we’re doing just fine a while back.. A happy couple, our fair share of quarrels over silly things, long phone calls, good morning texts. Back massages, it was cool, i liked it. I had my friends, you had yours.. We respected each other… And each others privacy.. But when you’d never let me go through your texts i felt a feeling i didn’t want creep in, so i shut it in the basement. 
When did it get so bad? You ask.. we started talking less after you told me the big news.. it was just like a separated couple still married on paper.. But now things were official and i was completely yours. All along i had been your ‘mistress’ I felt.. angry? Stupid? Dirty? whatever it was i felt it. i turned to my close friend, cried on his shoulder.. He held my hand and wiped my tears, he was just a friend and you were still my boyfriend but it didn’t feel the same. He was to me what you were to me except i never cheated, so i left cause it felt wrong. Lost interest in relationships.. Focused on me.. Was that wrong? 
. ‘When did things get so bad?’ when we could go for weeks without speaking and suddenly you’d call and ask me why i am quiet as though we spoke just yesterday. 
”i don’t know…” i whisper ” do you still love me?” he asked.. 
”yes, i guess that’s why I’m here”…”do you love me?” i asked.. Unconditionally you say. 

This was about a month back. After years of ups and downs we’d made it, then we lost it. When did things get so bad? I wouldn’t say they got bad.. We doing okay, I’d call it growth.. We grew apart.. But the feelings don’t change do they? 
#sigh

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